King of all Dads

I am the king of all dads. I did something today that a normal person would never have attempted in a million years. I went food shopping. With my kids. All three of my kids. Did I mention I was the only adult? Alone? With three kids? For those of you new to the game, let's review. Those three kids are comprised of one six-year-old boy, one almost three-year-old boy and one three-monthold girl. Yes, I am crazy.

Before I go any further, I'd like to point out that all (well.... most) of this self congratulatory back patting is completely over the top here. I know that there are real single parents who don't have a choice in having to take their three (or more) kids with them everywhere they go. I'm really rather lucky in that respect.

This is the third (and last) of my "first solo" trip somewhere with the kids. Obviously with Jake it was just him and me. And, interestingly enough, it was also to go food shopping. As a first time parent, I made the mistake those first few times of over packing. I had a diaper bag filled to overflowing with supplies, wipes, toys, changes of clothes, diapers, and bottles. I remember being rather proud of my accomplishment. I took an infant with me to go food shopping. Looking back, it seems like such a small thing, but I remember being totally scared and nervous. And as I hate having little brats running around acting inappropriately in public, I hate having my brat(s) yelling or making any kind of a scene. I realize that a baby crying isn't really inapproprate - it's just a natural response. But I still felt that I should try to keep the shrill screams to a minimum if I could. But Jake was wonderful - the first time. Subsequent times after that he did turn into a screaming maniac, usually in the checkout line - the only real time in a store that you can't take time out to comfort a baby.

The second "solo" trip then, involves Jake and Bobby. You think "can my parenting skills allow me to handle two kids out in public? One of them being an infant?" I didn't pack so many supplies that time. Just a handful of diapers, some wipes, a couple of toys and a bottle. And it went surprisingly smoothly. I don't even remember if my first solo with Bobby was food shopping or not. Which is a good sign, because if the two of them had caused a scene or I had made some glaring mistake in child care, the location and details would have burned themselves into my brain.

So today Claudine was on call and the refrigerator was empty. It was time for the "solo". I grabbed two diapers and a travel case of wipes, grabbed the shopping list, packed up the three kids and off we went. Usually when we go shopping as a family, we take two shopping carts, one for the food and one for the kids. On the drive over, I told the boys that they would have to walk because Annie's car seat was going in the "kid" slot and the food was going in the main part of the cart. Jake asked if he could climb on the outside and "ride like a fireman". Bobby immediately said "Me too." Knock yourself out, kids. It worked like a charm. They hung on the edges of the cart and made siren noises as we went through the store.

Not only did we get in and out of there without an incident, but I got to experience the stares of lots of women who were impressed by my child handling abilities. Claudine has called this the "hot guy with a child" syndrome. She has told me that no matter what a guy looks like, he looks hotter when he is caring for a small child. We walked out of Friday's once and when we got out the front door, she said "the women at the front were giving you the look." "Wha?" I said (clever, no?) "The hot guy with a child thing." I was carrying Annabel on my shoulder at the time, and I blew it off as her just being a nice wife. But since then, I have noticed that some women will look at me longingly when I have my kids with me. I don't know if they are experiencing some sort of primitve hormonal or subconcious nesting thing, or perhaps they are just pissed at their own husbands who never take care of their kids. Again, I'm not trying to toot my own horn here (tooot.... tooooooot-toot), but I know there are guys in this world who are of the neanderthal though process of "uuuuhhhhhh, kids am womans work!"

Like I said, everything went smoothly, we got home and everyone behaved themselves while I unpacked the truck and put everything away. I got everyone some lunch (mac and cheese for the boys, a bottle for Annie). Then, after a little nap time for Annie, I did something really risky. I packed every back into the truck and went out to Sears (you know, where America shops for its softer side). I had to by a combination VCR/DVD player. You know, I HAD to. Because we have a lot of money invested in VHS tapes of Barney, Sesame Street, Blue's Clues, and . And uhmm.... the upstairs VCR didn't work very well anymore. So, um we really needed that second VCR. And as long as we're getting it, why not just get one that will play DVD's also? It just makes sense, right? As Bart Simpson says right before going through a transporter with a fly: "I'd be stupid NOT to do this." Ok, shut up. Just shut up. I can rationalize this purchase any way I want, now you go away and point your accusing stare at someone else. So what if I am a shameless consumer of personal electronics?

Anyway, I bribed the boys into going by promising to buy them some books at the bookstore in the mall. I mean, if I have to bribe my kids, at least I'm doing it with books. The only incident was as I was putting Annie back into the truck I noticed that her pacifier was gone. She has a new trick of shooting her pacifier out of her mouth now, sometimes with impressive height and distance. I figured the once it hit the floor of Sears, we didn't really want it back anyway so it wasn't a big loss. Claudine was sitting in her car in the garage when we pulled up. She was calling her sister-in-law asking if she knew where the kids and I were. She told me that they both had ruled out that I might have been food shopping because neither of them thought "I would be crazy enough" to take the kids food shopping by myself. In your FACE, ladies!