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As much as I want to be part of the hi-tech generation, I am really a loser. And when I say loser, I mean "one who loses", not a guy with a big "L" on his forward. Although I may actually be a loser with a big "L" on my forehead, that is not what this entry is about. No, today is about my ability to hang on to things.
This tenancy first manifested itself in the realm of sunglasses. I could never keep a pair of sunglasses. I would either lose them or break them - usually by sitting on them. Then I moved onto cameras. I was great at losing cameras. Or breaking them. Now I've moved onto cell phones. I held off on getting a cell phone for a long time. I knew that I wouldn't be able to kept one safe. My first cell phone was a cheap Nokia. It didn't have one of those snappy holsters that attached to your belt. It also didn't have a handy wrist strap attached to hang on to. Basically, it didn't have anything to assist me in keeping it from falling to the ground. Ergo, I dropped it a number of times. After dropping it a few too many times, the display stopped working. I could still use it, but I couldn't tell when the battery was going dead or when I didn't have any signal.
After that plan expired, I again stalled in getting another cell phone. But when Jake started in daycare, we decided that we both needed cell phones so we could always be "reachable". I got an early model of the Motorola Star-Tac. This one had a nifty plastic holster that attached to my belt. And I kept it on my belt all the time. The problem I ran into was when I didn't where a belt. Usually on a weekend. And coincidentally, the weekend was also the time that I would go to the town dump to drop off our recycling. One Saturday, I decided to load all the leaves we'd bagged into the back of the truck and take them to the dump. And I wasn't wearing a belt. So I slipped the phone into my pocket taking great care in clipping the clippy thing onto my pocket so it would be safe. I dumped 8 big bags of leaves onto the already large leaf pile at the dump an promptly drove home. I think we all see where this is going. About 6 hours later, I realized that I no longer had a cell phone. I retraced my steps (after turning the house upside down) and realized the only place it could be was at the dump. I called the cell phone number to see if anyone had picked it up there. There was no answer so I rushed back to the dump about 10 minutes before the dump was closing for the day. The next time it would be open would be four days later on Wednesday. I felt lucky that I had made it in time. Until I pulled around the corner to see where the leaf pile was. The ground where I was standing that morning was now under five and a half feet of leaves and twigs. It looked like a dump truck had backed up and dropped its load right where I was standing. I climbed into the pile and waded around a bit, but my heart wasn't in it. I should have thought to bring another cell phone to make the phone ring while I was there. But I didn't. I went home discouraged because I thought that I could have found it if I had a phone and a little more time. I figured that I would give it a try on Wednesday - even thought I figured that the battery would have died by then. But my idea died that night when we got 1.22 inches of rain overnight.
Well Sprint was pretty good about me transferring my plan and my phone number over to a new phone. I got the latest version of the Star-Tac. It was silver instead of black but basically it was the same phone in the same groovy holster. I've broken two of the holsters already by dropping the phone - holster and all. The phone is remarkably sturdy but twice I've been able to make the holster literally explode into shards of little plastic shrapnel. I got my third holster this Saturday. It is slightly different. The clip that holds onto the phone is a little harder to engage so if you don't seat the phone properly, it looks like the phone is securely in place. In reality, the phone is dangerously loose - much like... much like... well that joke is too easy.
I think we all see where this is going. Claudine called me as I was driving home. I took the call and then put the phone back into the holster (or so I thought). On the way home, I pulled into the parking lot of the 7-11 to get a few things. I also needed some money and fortunately my bank is directly across the street from the 7-11. It is a fairly busy road, especially at 5:15 on a weekday afternoon. I waited for a break in the traffic and then I made my move. I set off in a brisk jog across the street. Clackity-clack, I hear behind me as I reach the opposite curb. I glance back and there in the road is my cell phone. It is sitting just like the picture at the top of the entry. If you think of the width of a regular lane of a road, the phone is sitting about two thirds of the lane from the yellow line. Meaning it was about one third of a lane away from the curb. In other words, it was pretty much in the path of the right side tires of any car that would pass. And there were 6 cars coming. right. now. I started waving at the cars and trying to make eye contact with the first car. I took one step into the road to try to make the driver move towards the yellow line. It didn't work. It was so tempting to reach out and grab it. The first car whizzed past with its tires passing a few inches to the left of the phone. I looked back up trying to get the attention of the next car. No good. Tires whizzed past about two inches to the left of the phone. I swiveled my head back to try to stop the third car. Uh-uh. I watched the tires of the third car breeze past about an inch and a half away from my phone. My poor phone. This wasn't looking good. I didn't even try anymore. I just watched in mute horror. the next car drove past with its right side tires moving about two inches to the right of the phone. That's right. The car passed over the phone. Here comes car number five. Zooooom. Two inches to the left of the phone. This is it. Car number six. I closed my eyes. Vroooom...... Hey. No sickening crunch. Dare I open my eyes? There in the road was my phone. Untouched. I dashed three steps into the road and grabbed the phone before the next set of cars came by. I looked at the phone. There wasn't even a scratch on it. There was no sign that it had just come "thisclose" to being flattened.
I don't deserve a cell phone. I know that this phone will meet an untimely death. It will most likely be grisly or unusual, but it will happen. I'm seriously thinking about flushing it down the toilet on purpose just because I don't think I can handle the suspense.
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