LS Place

07/01/2001

My Desk is in Disarray

OK. I'm a loser. I put up one measly update for all of June. I suck. It always nagged at me. My computer would stare at me from across the room - taunting me. Saying in a high pitched, sing-songy voice: "Aaaahlaaaannnn... come ooooover here. People want to know about your boooooring liiiiiife." I didn't give in though. I ignored it completely (obviously). But now it is a brand new month and I have nothing but good intentions. I've got big plans for this space. One of those plans is to update. I know it seems radical, but I'm a risk taker so there you are.

So, do I have a reason (excuse) for not updating? Not really. So I'm adopting one. My desk is in disarray. As excuses go, it is totally lame. You wouldn't accept that from a co-worker. You wouldn't dare try using it with your boss. But I put it out here nonetheless. My desk is in disarray.

How can I be expected to put out something creative here when my desk is in disarray? How can I clean my mind to recount the day's busy events when my desk is in disarray? How can I construct clear, concise essays and opinion pieces if my desk is in disarray? Well obviously, I can't.

Actually, I think I just need to force myself to write. I need retraining. I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head but I just kind of "let them pass". I form whole essays or "conversations" in my head but never put the pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. I used to have ideas when I went running but would never follow through to flesh them out. I swear I have ideas! No, really. They really exist. Well... I guess, I'll just have to show you.

Also part of my problem is what I call "the blank slate". When I sit down to write these updates, I just pull open a blank screen and then "force" myself to be funny or profound or even interesting. It is a strange type of torture. On one hand, I want to update regularly, I'd like to become a regular part of someone's day the way the Gus or Pamie have become to me. On the other hand, it sucks feeling like I have to whip up something wonderful for readers every time I sit down at the keyboard.

To combat this, I have a few ideas. First, I am going to get in the habit of writing when the mood hits me during the day. I don't trust my fragmented little mind to keep track anymore - I'm going to commit these ideas to some sort of text (be it typed or - gasp - actually written) as they hit me. Second, I am going to let these bits of text pile up a bit. Part of the "blank slate" approach is that I take a topic and attempt to create a coherent update out of it in one sitting. It leaves me exhausted from the effort and frustrated because I know what I am posting is not as good as it could (or should) be. Why should I force anything? This is not an assignment. I mean really, no one is reading this thing anyway. Lastly, I need to cut down on some of my other journal/forum reading. I need to cut back the journals because it is too passive. It is a kind of cop out to sit and read, when I could actually create. As for the forums, when I do get moved to write, I usually get involved in some heavy discussion regarding abortion, gun control, or the death penalty. I spend way too much time trying to create the perfect post in response to the topics and the other posters. Why am I giving it away, when I could post it here?

Will these measures work? Probably not. But I am willing to give them a try. If they fail, I will fall back on the standard journal technique of simply listing the day's events. It works for others. Check back soon to see how things shake out.